


From a Whisper

by opalmatrix



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Serious Injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-15
Updated: 2013-05-15
Packaged: 2017-12-11 23:06:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/804281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/opalmatrix/pseuds/opalmatrix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After one of Sanzo's assignments had gone badly sour, Hakkai had put their bodies back together.  It looked like Gojyo would have to do the same for their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	From a Whisper

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lady_Ganesh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Ganesh/gifts).



> For Hurt/Comfort Bingo. The prompt was "Confession in desperate situation ," and [**Lady_Ganesh**](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Ganesh) wanted Hakkai/Gojyo. The whole thing quickly took on a life of its own. The title is from John Hiatt's "Have a Little Faith in Me." Beta by **[smillaraaq](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Smillaraaq/)**.

It should have been an easy job: a couple of precious relics gone from another temple, another band of loser crooks hiding out with their loot. The thieves' den this time had been a natural cavern, complete with melted-looking rock formations. Gojyo and Hakkai had dropped eight feet down into a hole in the ground and then crept down the winding passageway to the main cavern. There had been a short, brisk fight, and it had ended with five guys tied up on the cavern floor and the two little jade statues wrapped up in a blanket in a satchel, ready to go back to their legitimate resting place.

Gojyo had grinned at the trussed-up miscreants. "Hang in there, guys. We'll send someone back to collect you!"

"Yes, don't be concerned," said Hakkai. "The honorable master of Kaishan was very sincere in his desire to speak to you about your actions. I'm certain you won't be here for long."

They'd retraced their steps to the entrance, where they'd noticed a primitive ladder that the thieves had removed and set aside. Gojyo had set it in place and was testing its stability when they heard a low rumble from behind them. "Crap, what's that?"

"Nothing good, I fear. We'd best –"

And then everything was noisy and painful and dark.

Gojyo woke up and found he couldn't move one of his legs. It seemed to be trapped under some large pieces of stone. "Hakkai?"

There was a faint moan. Oh shit, thought Gojyo. "Hakkai!"

"I'm ... I'm here. No need to shout."

"Are you OK?"

"I think ... perhaps I have some broken ribs. And a concussion. I blacked out. Some large stones fell on me. What about you?"

"I was out too. And my leg is pinned. It don't hurt much, but I can't budge it. Or these rocks. What the hell happened?"

"Nothing natural, I think. The cavern and the entry chimney seemed quite stable. Perhaps there's another exit, and our wrongdoers had this one set up so they could cave it in if pursued."

"But we left 'em tied up!"

"Maybe that wasn't all of them. If one of them was out when we attacked ... ."

"Oh fuck. An' he came in the back way, and found his buddies all tied up, and decided to drop the roof on us. Shit, shit, _shit!_ "

"Ah ha ha ... that is what I suspect."

Hakkai sounded out of breath. Gojyo's head hurt. He fumbled for his lighter and flicked it on. Hakkai was lying on his side a couple of feet away. His face looked pale and off-color, and there was a trickle of blood running from his mouth. Maybe he'd bit his lip, but Gojyo didn't see any injury there.

"Gojyo ... put that out."

"We can't see jack shit without it."

"I think ... we're running out of air. The flame will burn up what we need."

Gojyo snapped the lighter off. "Hell. Guess I shouldn't light up a cigarette either."

Hakkai was silent. Maybe he'd passed out again. Finally: "Go ahead and smoke, if you want, Gojyo."

"What the hell? You said – "

"We didn't leave any word about where we thought we'd find the robbers. No one knows where we are. Running out of oxygen would be a more merciful end than dying of thirst."

"What? No! " Gojyo drew in as much of the stale-smelling air as he could and shouted: "Hey! _Hey!_ "

He shouted until he was hoarse, but there was no answer. Shit.

He closed his eyes, although of course, it hardly made much of a difference in the darkness under the rocks. His head was killing him, and his leg was beginning to hurt after all. After a moment, he heard a shifting, slithering sound, and Hakkai gasped close to his ear. He must have dragged himself over to where Gojyo was pinned. "Hell, Hakkai, don't hurt yourself worse."

"It doesn't matter. Gojyo. I have to tell you something. Now, while I can still talk and you can still hear me."

That did not sound good. Gojyo reached out and found one of Hakkai's arms. He squeezed it. "Yeah? What's up?"

"I ... I never thought I would love anyone after Kanan," whispered Hakkai,

"But you found someone, huh? Who is she? That brainy chick in the bookshop? She's pretty cute: she could be hot for the right guy, yeah? " That really sucked: he'd found someone at last and now they were going to die under a pile of rocks before he could do anything about it.

"No, Gojyo. I ... you're the one I've come to love."

"Ah ... oh. Really?" His head was throbbing. What was he supposed to do with this news? He should be horrified, right? He didn't go for guys, not when he had a choice. And he should feel bad for Hakkai, because he'd fallen in love with someone who wouldn't love him back.

Except he kind of felt bad for both of them. Why was that?

Because they'd wasted all this fucking time not doing anything but being buddies, that's what. Because now that Hakkai had brought it up, all Gojyo could think about was Hakkai's pretty face, trim ass, and the warmth of that genuine smile that was just for him.

"Gojyo?" Hakkai's voice was very small.

"This just sucks. Why didn't you say something sooner, babe?"

"I ... you like women. Lots of them. And I didn't want ... I didn't want to destroy what we _did_ have, by pressing you with attentions you didn't want."

"I can't believe a classy guy like you could be interested in a loser like me."

"I never think of you that way, Gojyo. And I'm a mass murderer."

"Gonou was. You're not."

More shuffling and shifting, and then Hakkai was kissing him, gently and awkwardly. Gojyo could feel grit between their lips, and he could taste Hakkai's blood. It was still one of the best kisses he'd ever had. Somewhere, he thought, muzzily, some fucking god must be snickering. And then, abruptly, he fell asleep.

He came back to himself listening to a loud voice shouting somewhere over his head: "Oy, I _said_ , anyone alive down there?"

The yelling hurt Gojyo's head. Now that he was awake, it occurred to him that the noise had been going on for some time now, and he could also hear the sound of rocks being shifted and small pebbles clattering down onto the rock on which he was lying.

Then he realized that he wasn't dead, that he was breathing cool, fresh air, and that he could see orangey sunset light shining through a hole above them. "Hakkai ... Hakkai!"

Hakkai was lying limp and flat. Pebbles and rock dust were sprinkled over him, even on his face. Gojyo's heart clenched, but then Hakkai coughed painfully and blinked, dislodging a tiny landslide of rocky debris. "Someone ... someone found us?"

"Yeah! Gods above, yeah! Hey – we're alive, but we're hurt! My leg is pinned, and my friend's got broken ribs!"

"Hang on – we've got some monks coming from Kaishan! We'll get you out of there!"

The next several hours were just a waiting act. Their rescuers lowered a lantern and a water bottle and some rice balls to them, and eventually, a strapping young stonemason from the village came down as well. He carefully shifted blocks of stone into a canvas sling, which hauled the debris up and out of the hole. Hakkai was hauled up by the same method, and a couple of hours after sunset, Gojyo's trapped leg was freed, and he was sent above too. And while they were being settled into litters to be carried back, the guy down the hole announced that he'd found the bag with the jade images, so they hadn't totally wasted their time and their pain.

They ended up staying at the temple for a week, while Hakkai healed them little by little as his strength returned. Gojyo had miraculously not broken a single bone, but the flesh of his leg was so bruised and crushed that Hakkai was not certain until the fourth day that he'd be able to save it.

The journey back was much shorter than the journey out: they'd walked then, but the abbot of Kaishan insisted on sending them home in a cart, so the trip only took a day and a half. Only a few moments after they'd walked in their own front door, a couple of young monks appeared from the Chang'an temple with baskets of groceries: someone must have sent word ahead. Everything should have been great.

And that's what sucked, thought Gojyo. Because everything _wasn't_ great. Once they were home, he'd figured that they could do something about what Hakkai had said, when they were down that hole waiting to die. He'd spent most of the last ten days thinking about it. He'd given every girl they'd seen on the way home a second look, just to see whether he'd change his mind, and yeah, they were some sexy girls, and yeah, he still wanted to give things a try with Hakkai. And now Hakkai was avoiding him. 

The first day back, they hadn't done anything but settle back in. They'd unpacked their satchels, and Gojyo had helped Hakkai get laundry done. Hakkai had made a simple dinner, he'd washed the dishes, and Gojyo had dried them. And then Hakkai had gone to bed: by himself.

OK, Gojyo figured. Hakkai was tired. He wanted to get a good night's sleep in his own bed. Gojyo went to bed on the sofa, just like always. When he woke up, Hakkai was gone, but Gojyo's breakfast was waiting for him in the kitchen. That wasn't so weird. The monkey hadn't had any lessons for almost two weeks: Hakkai'd probably headed out early to start making it up to him. And it wasn't so odd that Hakkai was already in bed when Gojyo came home that evening, even though Gojyo was back early, because he'd turned down an invitation to spend some quality time with Cai-lin in her room. Hakkai was probably still tired. They both were.

But next morning, when Gojyo woke up and found that Hakkai was gone already – again – he had to admit that Hakkai was avoiding him.

It hurt. Fuck, it hurt. They'd known each other for a couple of years now. He'd told Hakkai things he hadn't ever told anyone else, about Jien, and Mom. And Hakkai had trusted him with the whole sad story about Kanan. And he'd never wanted a guy before: a couple of drunken grope sessions with Banri didn't count for shit. And now ... .

Gojyo ate his soup and dumplings and his rice, mechanically. He thought about having a beer, but he was already having enough trouble thinking. He dumped the dishes in the sink and took his cigarettes out onto the porch and smoked his way through the whole pack.

It was obvious, in a way. If he'd been the one giving a death scene confession of love for another guy, and then found out that they weren't dead after all, he'd never have been able to look the other guy in the face again. Except this was Hakkai. It should have been different. When Hakkai had walked back into his life after Sanzo had taken him off to the temple in manacles, he'd felt ... whole. For the first time in his life. He'd taken it for granted that Hakkai felt the same.

Maybe he should just pack up and leave. Go somewhere else. He could still make his living with his gaming skills and his body, same as he always had.

_Life is so fucking easy, I could just puke._

Hell, no. He wasn't going to live like that again. He'd kill himself, first. And maybe he couldn't figure out what the hell Hakkai was thinking about him right now, but he was dead certain that having Gojyo die on him that way was the last thing he wanted.

He crumpled up the empty cigarette packet and ground it under his heel. Then he called up the shakujo and worked out with it until his arms were shaking.

Hakkai came back when Gojyo should have already been down at the tables at Jun's. Gojyo had showered and shaved and dressed carefully, like he was going out on a hot date. He met Hakkai at the door and took the market basket from him.

"Gojyo?" Hakkai blinked. "Shouldn't you be at Jun's? You won't get your favorite table."

"Nah, I'm right where I want to be." He gave Hakkai his best smile and set the basket on the table. "Anything in here that needs the icebox?"

"Gojyo, I can take care of that. You should get going."

"I'm not going anywhere right now, Hakkai." Gojyo started to unpack the basket. He put the vegetables into the icebox crisper, the eggs on one of its shelves, and the bag of rice on the shelf next to the almost-empty cannister. Hakkai stood about and in the way, his hands held out like he wasn't sure what to do with them. When the basket was empty, Gojyo grabbed those hands and pulled Hakkai toward the sofa. "Sit."

"Gojyo, let go."

"Nuh uh. You've been runnin' away from me ever since we got home. Not gonna let you go."

Hakkai sat gingerly on the edge of the sofa. He had shadows under his eyes and looked pale, even for him. "I could make you let go, you know."

"Yeah, I know. You're a real strong guy. I can't make you do squat, if you don't really want to."

"What do you want to make me do?"

"You started something, ten days ago, when we were lyin' at the bottom of that damn hole. I thought we were were gonna do something about it. Told you I wanted to, and goddamn it, I never thought I'd say that to another guy."

"You didn't. Not really."

"I kissed you. Most of the time, when I kiss someone, she – they stay kissed."

"I started it. And you passed out."

"Yeah, well, sorry 'bout that. But I _was_ kissin' you. I meant it."

"Gojyo, less than a week ago, when we were on the road home, you were looking at women again. I don't want to get in the way of that. You've let me into your life twice. We're friends. I can't be greedy for something that goes against your nature like this."

"Yeah, I looked. And every time I did, I was thinkin' about you. You're hotter than any of those chicks."

"Gojyo, you've never wanted a man."

"Yeah, true. But there's a first time for everything, don'tcha think?"

"Gojyo, it won't work. And I don't want to lose what we already have."

"You already have, dammit. What do you think it was like for me, the last couple days, wakin' up and finding you gone?"

"Gojyo, once the novelty wears off – "

"Hakkai, stop already." There was no way he was going to be able talk Hakkai down from this. Hakkai was so much better with words. So Gojyo leaned in and kissed him instead.

At first Hakkai just sat there. Then he made one attempt to break Gojyo's grip on his wrists. Gojyo didn't let go, and he stroked the tense line of Hakkai's lips with the tip of his tongue. Suddenly Hakkai gasped and leaned toward him, and then he was really kissing back, giving as good as he got. Gojyo let go of his wrists at last, to bury one hand in his thick, unruly hair and run the other down his back, and Hakkai pushed him down onto the sofa and went with him.

It was like Hakkai was starving for him. He thrust with his tongue and nipped at Gojyo's lips, then kissed a line down down across his jaw and throat, unbuttoning Gojyo's best shirt with hands that shook and yet were sure and precise in their motions. Gojyo wrapped his legs around Hakkai's hips and ground up against him. His body sure didn't seem to give a damn that the body pressed against him was solid and angular and male: he was hard already. Gojyo scrabbled Hakkai's shirt loose from his trousers and slid his hands up Hakkai's back, hot smooth skin over wiry muscle and ridges of bone.

"Gojyo," sighed Hakkai, his breath warm against Gojyo's bare chest. "What ... what should I ... ?" 

"Stop thinkin' so much," said Gojyo. Hakkai's groin was pressed against Gojyo's leg, and he was hard. Gojyo wrapped his arms around him and pulled, so that their cocks were one against the other through their pants. He kissed Hakkai again and groped between their bodies to undo Hakkai's pants. Hakkai shifted so he could kneel up a little on one knee and work on Gojyo's fly button. They thrashed about for a couple of minutes, tugging and pulling at trouser legs, kicking off shoes. Hands rubbed over damp, bare flesh. "Damn, that's good," said Gojyo. "Come on, gimme more."

Hakkai was almost panting, rubbing his face against Gojyo's hair, thrusting against Gojyo's hip. He rolled off against the back of the sofa and started stroking Gojyo in earnest. Either he liked it just the way Gojyo did or he was a natural: Gojyo hardly lasted two minutes. As he groaned and shuddered, he could see Hakkai's face, flushed and beautiful, green eyes drinking him in. 

"Oh fuck," panted Gojyo, at last. Hakkai was still hard. He lay down full length on Gojyo, his dick right in the puddle of come on Gojyo's belly, and writhed against him. Gojyo slid his hands down Hakkai's back and grabbed his ass. "Damn, that's not gonna – "

"Oh!" said Hakkai, his legs falling open on either side of Gojyo. He rocked back on his knees, pressing his buttcheeks into Gojyo's hands, and then ground himself against Gojyo's belly again, coming hard.

They lay just where they were then, arms around each other, despite the mess pooled between their bodies and the scratchiness of the old sofa's upholstery under Gojyo's ass. "Best I ever had," said Gojyo, after a moment.

Hakkai nuzzled at his ear. "I bet you say that to all of your lovers."

"Only when it's true."

Hakkai pushed himself up on one elbow and stroked his thumb along one of Gojyo's eyebrows and then, hesitantly along the scars on his cheek. "Gojyo ... ."

"Yeah, babe?"

"I hope you won't regret this."

Gojyo grabbed his hand and kissed the palm, then hooked their pinkie fingers together. "I won't. I promise. Have a little faith for once, OK?"

Hakkai sighed, but he was smiling. "For you, I will." 

 


End file.
